The problem with ‘very’
It’s a lazy amplifier.
“Very” can modify almost any adjective, but it might not deliver our intended message.
Putting it in front of a positive like “charming” or “kind” or “generous” can make it clear that we mean what we said, but more so.
But, placed in front of a description of otherness, it can push the person we’re describing into a corner. “They have very pointy ears” or “They are very midwestern in their approach to a problem,” communicates that we’re highlighting and objectifying, not celebrating. We often do this when the amplifier isn’t needed or even accurate. It’s a cheap hack to remind people that we’re not like the person we’re talking about.
If you’re saying something nice, it’s helpful to choose a memorable amplifier like “extraordinarily” or “off-the-charts.” Or just enunciate and emphasize your compliment.
If you’re describing someone in a way that labels them, consider why, and leave it out.
If removing an amplifier like ‘very’ makes the message clearer or consistent, why not simply skip it?
Our words tell a story. Even when they’re lazy.